Being The Other Woman: Who We Are, What Every W...

One of the underlying conditions of being the other woman in a relationship is that you have to work around a fixed schedule. Remember that the object of your desire has someone to go home to every day. He has obligations to fulfill.

Being the Other Woman: Who We Are, What Every W...

Many women who have found themselves in these precarious situations tend to seek therapy afterward. Some have attested to the fact that being the other woman in the relationship is like committing social suicide. You tend to abandon whatever ideals you have set for yourself in exchange for a few moments of bliss.

I thought I was ready to read this.....I mean, it IS almost 17 months from Dday of my H's second EA with a coworker. But reading it brought back the anger all over again and the anger is at BOTH of them for getting together twice within our almost 36 year marriage. She belongs in the Antogonist/Family Counselor categories. I don't think she has any real woman friends. And apparently, she is a good listener. She sure listened to his sob stories about me not sharing his love for farming, the country, cows, tractors, etc. She listened during work, after work, late at night , in the wee hours of the morning- from 2:00 to 5:00 am on occasion- , on lunches, deer lease, a date....and that's just what I know about. There may be more times that I don't know about since my husband is afflicted with affair amnesia. Unfortunately, I have a hard time accepting that they only talked about land, farm machinery, and livestock, especially during the late night and early morning hours. I have prayed for her. I have prayed for him. "Father, Please forgive them because they don't know what they are doing". Over and over. And I do feel sorry for her. She's on her third or fourth marriage. I feel sorry for him that he chose to kill our marriage with his second infidelity and abuse of me for asking questions about it. I am slowly but surely trying to work through my hurt, anger, and bitterness, but until HE chooses to get over his affair amnesia and help me understand the whys, whens, wheres, and hows of the affairs and why he chose to do the abusive things he did, I will never be able to "get over it" as he so eloquently tells me I need to do. This is a great article, and it's all well and good to tell me that maybe I need to look at this from a different perspective, find compassion and understand the other woman, and walk lovingly through the pain, etc.. and I get it - I really do- at least intellectually. I truly don't want to be a resentful person, full of bitterness and anger for the rest of my life. I want to be happy and I would love it if our marriage could be saved. But my heart doesn't get it and it still hurts, hurts, hurts........even after all these months. Suffering every day....perhaps I am insane for staying around this long? I'm beginning to think I am.

Thank you for letting me see another side of her.I am 9 days out from it being a 1 year, and the anger and hatred I feel towards his AP is overwhelming at times.From what i have been told she fits into the liberated women slot, but I think I would find more compassion if I knew she had an abusive past.But like the comment above, my husband seems to be afflicted with affair amnesia when I ask questions about what happened, what was said and done, When the affair was first discovered he saw her as "real", centre of attention,life of the party, sexy, smart, well read and beautiful,. Now he recalls her now as Vain, self centred and selfish, and having none of the qualities he would want in his life. He also states now it wasn't real. Very confusing stuff for me to grasp. He said she was his escape.The one question that keeps bothering me that he can't seem to answer is why did he keep coming back home to me and pretend everything was okay? At least at first, then would start treating me rudely and with anger and thoughtlessness for any thought or feeling I may be having. I keep asking and he can't answer. He says because I was his wife and this is his home and where he belongs, but other than that he doesn't know.He had his affairs (3, the last 1 sexual), around the same time of year, the death of his mother and our wedding anniversary that are days apart.Rick I was wondering if you would be so kind as to explore and address this question. How and why does a man keep coming back home when he feels he is so unhappy, pretend he is loving and keep running back to another women at every opportunity? I also keep asking him that if he was so angry and unhappy why didn't he just leave, to which he has no answer.Maybe you have spoke on this before, and I just haven't seen it yet. If so could you be so kind as to pass along the link to me.I would also like to say that your emails have helped me so much and I look forward to everyone.God bless you for helping me and so many others.

My husband had an affair with a woman he worked with - she was there and made herself available. He was depressed and willing to accept what she offered. She knew he was married and she knew me. She was in the process of leaving her husband. What better way to leave your spouse than to believe you are in love with someone else?I feel sorry for both of them - they were unable to deal with their problems in an adult and emotionally intelligent manner. They were unable to trust their spouses enough to talk about their problems.I am still trying really hard to get past the point of castigating the other woman. I know my husband made choices every single day during his year-long affair. It seems so easy to blame her. They were both stupid to believe each others lies but they are human. What's done is done and there is no way I can change that. They were not my choices. They have to live with the choices they made for the rest of their lives. I wish them luck when they examine their consciences. I am still with my husband because he is a good man and a good father. I am not responsible for his stupidity ( which he acknowledges).

Hi,I am almost 15 months post d-day. I am somewhere between Karen58 and feeling compassion. I can see both sides and can get swayed easily one way or the other, but when I am feeling compassionate I am most happy. And happiness is what I seek. At this point it doesn't matter if it is with my husband or without him. I have very recently started to see this pain as a journey that will leave me stronger and better. I have felt myself drawn to a married man who would be more than happy to show me a good time, however I keep thinking about his wife. I know I would never do to somebody else what happened to me, and realize that for someone else to do it there must be a self-esteem problem or deep pain. I am better off than my husband and his girlfriend. Their relationship was borne of pain, self-deception, and deceit. I am rich with friends and have peace now. I am also valuing myself in a way I didn't before. It takes time, time, time. It is true that time heals. I just got tired. Bone tired of the pain. And then the pall of pain started to lift somehow and I feel better. Not great, but better. I am sure that great things will come in due course if I keep my heart open. Best to everyone out there going though this nightmare!

My husband's affair was brought on by many serious situations in our lives. Needless to say, the stress we were both under was overwhelming and "she" came along saying all the right things at just the right time. I called and asked her to stop and she made a show of leaving her husband the day I asked. Then my husband left me to go to her over 800 miles away. She demanded that he have no contact with his son (or me for that matter) or anyone here in our hometown. It lasted exactly 6 days after he got there. Even though she made a show of "leaving" her husband, she made herself available to him everytime he was home and my husband found out. My husband found out what she was but took another week to come home. So, how do I have any compassion for someone who blatantly makes it a lifestyle to seek out married men and have affairs with them? She sent my husband a song and told him they could talk again - that she wouldn't tell anybody. So I responded and told her to leave us alone. She responded to that and all she did was try to tell me that my husband loved her, would always love her; that I was "bashing" her and that I needed to "think" before I wrote her a nasty note again. She said she forgave me for the note. She did not apologize nor make any attempt to admit that wrong was done! How do I hold any esteem for someone like that? Where do I muster up compassion for someone with this lack of moral responsibility? How does knowing she is an antagonist help me to care about her? I pray for her family daily. I pray that God will open the eyes of her understanding, bring her to her senses and turn her stoney heart to flesh daily. But I have absolutely NO compassion for her - I work to NOT hate her! I daily ask God to help me forgive her. So, where do I go from here? What's next? These "feelings" are not as intense or as frequent as they used to be but they are still there. Any advice?

It was an emotional affair(pictures included) that my husband had with a schoolmate.20 years of marriage and being best friends and four beautiful children. It many ways it still seems like it didn't really happen.I had to pretend I was my husband texting her to end it. She still persisted by sending pictures, saying she was crying, sending memes. We had to change his cell phone number, and avoid the calls she made him to his work. He deleted every single text and Facebook conversation with her when I called him out on it, and he won't tell me what was on there. So I just have to live with not knowing how deep this relationship of 4 mths(so I'm told) was between them. And that is the big betrayal for me. He says it haunts him every single day and I want the both of us to be free from this. 041b061a72